


baby, look what you've done to me

by aestheticzjm



Series: secrets i have held in my heart [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Canon Divergence, M/M, Penetrator Even, Recreational Drug Use, Shotgunning, Soft Boys, and isak acts like he's not into it, but a few canon references, but he kind of is :-), even is super cocky, first year isak, isak is out in this fic, penetrator hoodies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 19:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15936686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticzjm/pseuds/aestheticzjm
Summary: "Is this what you do for everyone that you bring up here? Get them high so that you can make out with them?" Isak questioned, as he watched the other boy stand up to discard the half-finished joint in the trash can."Only the pretty ones get weed," Even replied back just as teasingly, which caused Isak to let out a loud laugh, shaking his head at the indifferent tone of the other boy's words.— or the one in which even is a penetrator and isak really isn't impressed.





	baby, look what you've done to me

**Author's Note:**

> in this universe, even never redoes his third year @ bakka and just transfers to nissen instead, so isak is a first year. there are also a few differences when compared to s1, so hopefully they are explained well enough in the fic. :,)  
> i could probably write a million sequels to this bc i worship the idea of penetrator!even so let me know if anyone would like to see that. hope you enjoy reading! :-) x

It wasn't like Isak particularly had a thing against The Penetrators. He knew, objectively, that they all couldn't be assholes. From what he had heard through Eva, William and Chris really weren’t that bad at all, and Isak was perceptive enough to notice the way that Noora and Eva seemed to act around the both of them. Despite knowing this, Isak had never really been a fan of the whole concept of being on a russ bus, especially one that was as pretentious as The Penetrators were. Whenever he saw a girl around school with that stupid black hoodie on, Isak almost wished that he could remove his eyes from his skull — a little extreme, but could anyone really blame him?

Luckily, he was never forced to confront his distaste for the boys head-on, because Jonas was against the capitalistic nature of being on a russ bus (or something like that, Isak never really knew what the other boy went on about) and so they tended to avoid all of their parties.

But after their most recent breakup, Eva and Jonas were testing out some weird thing where they were both making attempts to be more open with each other without being in a real relationship. Isak didn't quite understand it, but he figured that the two of them would need some time to fall apart before they could come back together, and it was cool that they were open to trying some new stuff out. What was  _not_  cool was the fact that this entailed Eva wanting Jonas to attend a Penetrators party with her, which meant that Isak inevitably had to tag along.

Slowly but surely, Isak had learnt to stop blaming himself for their break up. What he did to Eva during the first few weeks of school was probably the shittiest thing that he had ever done to anyone, and he was positively certain that Eva would never find in it her heart to forgive him after the whole fiasco was over. He knew that it wasn't any form of justification at the time, but he had come out to her, and to Jonas shortly afterwards, and even though they both had a touch of trouble accepting it at first — Isak couldn't blame them, especially considering all of the excuses that he had made up before — they were both extremely supportive.

Eva and Jonas had broken up shortly afterwards, and the three of them were now six months into their first year, and Isak finally felt like things were going back to how they used to be. Both of his best friends seemed as if they were learning to trust him again, and he no longer felt like he had to pretend around either of them.

His crush on Jonas had dissipated completely — even though the curly haired boy would never let him live it down — and this had been confirmed during a slightly awkward sleepover with Jonas, where the other boy offered to let Isak kiss him,  _just to test things out_ , as he had said. If something like that had happened a few months ago, Isak would have done anything for an opportunity to kiss the brunette. But as it was, only a few weeks ago, there hadn't been a single spark when their lips met. It was like a feeling of relief and disappointment at the same time, but Isak was glad that he could look at his best friend now without the ridiculous butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 

To make a long story short, Jonas had dragged Isak along with him to this russ party that the Penetrators were throwing. The only thing that made it semi-bearable was the fact that the party was at one of the members' houses and not on their bus, because Isak honestly didn't think that he could handle something like that. This was the explanation of how he found himself at some unnamed person's house with Jonas, Eva and all of her friends. Isak was standing off to the side of the living room with Sana, who he had recently been getting closer to, because of the one day that she had made the mistake of sitting next to him during biology.

The loud russ music blaring throughout the house was obnoxious as fuck, and Isak couldn't deal with watching all of the first years getting creepily hit on by the older boys. He felt completely out of his element, and could tell that Jonas felt the same way, but the brunette had always been more social than him; and now he, Eva and Chris seemed to be engaged in a conversation that was all too awkward for Isak to watch. So he shifted his gaze around the house, eyes widening as they landed on a boy that appeared to be deep in conversation with some girl.

Isak may have just recently come out, but enough of late-night internet searching told him that this boy had come straight out of one of Isak's wet dreams. Hair tousled perfectly atop his head, sharp blue eyes and a mouth that instantly sent Isak's mind to the gutter.

"Who is  _that_?" Isak questioned after a moment of just staring, nudging Sana with his shoulder and tilting his head towards the tall boy. Sana shifted a little so that she could get a look at the boy in question and her eyebrows raised with amusement, giving Isak a knowing look before she spoke. 

"Some new guy that just recently transferred. Vilde tried to talk to him the other day, but apparently he didn't seem that interested. His name's Even," Sana explained, eyes squinted slightly as she watched him, in the way that she always did when she was trying to figure someone out.

Isak's eyebrows furrowed down into a slight frown. "He transferred in his third year?" Sana hummed noncommittally, before she averted her gaze back to Isak. "This is his house, y'know? He's a Penetrator."

The blonde's eyes widened once again, because there was no way in hell that he had just taken some form of interest in a Penetrator. It was true that being one wasn't a defining factor for him to judge anyone for, but he just couldn't shift the feeling that most of those boys seemed like the kind of people that would give him shit for being gay. It probably wasn't actually like that, but the feelings of self-doubt that arose in his mind never seemed to leave him.

"How the fuck did they let him on their bus if he's just transferred?" Isak asked, a touch of incredulity coloring his words. It was practically unheard of, considering the fact that there was a very distinct social status that was associated with being on their bus, and Isak couldn't understand how he could get in despite having transferred in his third year. Most of the boys had been in school for far longer, having to develop connections and work their way up the social ladder before they were considered important in school. The only reason that Isak knew all of this was because of the few times that he was forced to spend time with Eva and her friends, listening to Vilde go on and on about them, with Noora constantly telling her to shut up.

"That's what I've been trying to figure out too. He seems to have already gotten quite a reputation, though. You should see the way that everyone talks about him in school," If Isak ever paid half an ear to all of the gossip going around at school, he probably would have been aware of the other boy's presence beforehand; but this was the first that he was ever hearing about or seeing Even.

Luckily for him, Sana decided not to ask about why Isak was so curious in the first place and simply gave him yet another knowing smile before she said something about having to pray, and then walked away. This left Isak to his own devices, and a soft sigh escaped his lips at the sudden rush of boredom that hit him, deciding that the only way that he was going to make it through the night was by at least getting some beer in him.

He felt strangely hyper-aware of the fact that he was walking through the golden haired boy's house as he made his way through the crowded living room, absently chewing on his lower lip as he finally made it to the kitchen. There was a table lined up with red solo cups on the counter and Isak took one, only needing a small sip to realize that whatever was in the cup wasn't simply just cheap beer.

He took another sip and then proceeded to walk out of the kitchen, hoping to find either an unoccupied Jonas or any familiar face, really. The moment that he left the kitchen, however, Isak was suddenly being backed up against the wall by a rather tall person.

Isak gulped as he realized that the person was the boy from earlier, and now he was only a few inches away from the smaller boy, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Hi, beautiful," He greeted lowly, his deep voice practically sending shivers down Isak's spine. Isak was stunned, the only words that he could think of at that moment leaving his lips in a barely-there murmur; "My name's Isak."

The older boy chuckled, the sound washing over Isak like melted honey. "It may be, but you're far too beautiful for me not to acknowledge it." Things were going too fast for Isak's brain to comprehend, a million questions running through his mind. He knew that quite a few people in his year knew that he was out, but he had never been approached by a boy like this, much less someone like the boy in front of him. Objectively, Isak knew that everything that was leaving Even's mouth was clichéd as fuck, but Isak wanted nothing more than for the older boy to press him up against the wall and just  _take_.

Isak wasn't really sure how to reply, biting down on his lower lip and watching as Even's eyes tracked the small movement.

"Do you smoke?" Even questioned, eyebrows raised slightly as he seemed to subconsciously shift closer towards Isak, so close that he could practically smell the other's cologne.

"Cigarettes?" Isak asked back, feeling his heart speed up a little as Even shook his head with another smirk.

                                                                                                        — *✲ﾟ*｡✧ —             

"This is some good shit, fuck," Isak practically moaned, the effects of the weed already hitting him after a mere two drags from the joint that Even had rolled, with enough precision to tell Isak that this most certainly wasn't his first time doing so. He could feel himself loosening up, the filter that he usually had on his mouth slowly melting away with each second that ticked by.

"Do you want—?" Isak offered the joint to the older boy, who was sitting cross-legged on the bed opposite him, watching Isak with this look in his eye that the younger couldn't quite place.

"Nah, I don't smoke anymore," Even replied, which made Isak's eyebrows raise with disbelief, considering the practiced way in which the other had rolled the joint a few minutes ago. "I said anymore," He repeated with a chuckle, leaning forward so that he could playfully nudge Isak.

A soft smile curved Isak's lips, who was completely fine with having the whole joint to himself. He had only really ever smoked up once or twice, with Jonas and a few of his friends, but whatever Even had was definitely of a far more superior quality than what he had smoked with Jonas.

Isak took another drag, giving his lungs a little more credit than they deserved and subsequently coughing up some of the smoke. Even let out another chuckle and took the joint from between Isak's fingers. "I think that's enough for you," He said softly, addressing Isak in a way that made him feel a lot younger than usual. Isak let out a little noise of protest, making grabby hands at the other boy, effectively inching forward so that there was barely any distance between both of their laps.

Even  _shh_ ed Isak, moving closer and placing a large hand on Isak's knee. The younger boy watched, with a touch of confusion, as Even put his lips around the joint and inhaled. But instead of breathing the smoke out normally, he was gently guiding Isak's neck closer to his own, and it took Isak a second to understand what was happening before the older's lips were a mere few inches from his and he was breathing out the smoke. Isak's lips parted, on instinct, and he inhaled all of the smoke that Even had let out.

It was a lot, Isak feeling as if there was a haze of arousal that was surrounding the two, the weed sharpening everything and making Isak feel as if his whole being had been turned up a few notches. When the older boy pulled away, his tongue was sneaking out of his mouth to lick his lips, as if he was trying to chase the taste of Isak on him (even though their lips had only met for a fleeting moment) and the younger boy wasn't quite sure how to deal with it.

" _Fuck_ , can we do that again?" Isak's voice had gone throaty and Even was nodding before he finished talking, bringing the joint to his lips and inhaling deeply. The golden-haired boy let the smoke rest in his mouth for a moment, before he reached forward so that he could get a grip of the younger's neck. Even's fingers were insistent on the back of Isak's neck, holding him down so that their lips could meet, after all of the smoke had been inhaled.

Isak whined into the kiss, the joint practically forgotten as the older's tongue brushed against his, causing Even to let out a soft noise of his own. He had never been kissed like this before, not by anyone, and the way that Even was kissing him was making him feel things that he was certain he had never felt before. As the other boy pulled away, Isak found himself fighting a laugh, and he chose to blame the weed for his current state of carelessness.

"Is this what you do for everyone that you bring up here? Get them high so that you can make out with them?" The blonde questioned, as he watched the other boy stand up to discard the half-finished joint in the trash can. Although the words were teasing, he couldn't help but feel a sharp pang of jealousy at the thought that he probably wasn't the first person that had been in this position with the older boy.

"Only the pretty ones get weed," Even replied back just as teasingly, causing Isak to let out a loud laugh, shaking his head at the indifferent tone of the other boy's words. He couldn't tell if Even was kidding or not, but he decided not to think about it too much, just wanting to enjoy the moment without overanalyzing things as he tended to do.

Even got back onto the bed, sitting next to Isak as opposed to opposite him, like he was before. He reached forward so that he was placing a hand on Isak's cheek, thumbing over his cheekbone. "And you're so lovely, Isak."

The blonde could practically feel his traitorous cheeks flush red at Even's words and he tilted his head away, averting his gaze so that he was looking at the wall instead of Even. It took Isak a moment before he felt like he could look back at him, willing himself not to get lost in the deep blue of the other's eyes.

"How come you didn't introduce yourself to me after I told you my name?" Isak questioned after a moment's silence, suddenly remembering that Even had never given him a formal introduction and the only reason that he knew his name was because of Sana. It was a little difficult to get the words out, considering how distracted Isak was by his proximity to Even, especially with the way that the other boy was absentmindedly drawing circles on his covered knee.

Even's lips rose in a half-smile, before he was shaking his head with a soft  _tsk_. "Everyone knows who I am, Isak."  _Asshole_. That was probably the cockiest thing that he had ever heard anyone say out loud and he let Even know as much, throwing him an unimpressed look.

"That's extremely presumptuous of you." The blonde replied, almost wishing that what Even had said wasn't true — even though he very well knew that it was. He still wasn't sure whether he found the older boy's confidence off-putting or appealing, but he did know that it wasn't doing much to tamper the pure  _want_  that he felt for him.  

"Big words for someone who's so young," Even commented with a raise of his brows, looking more amused with the younger boy than anything. What Isak knew for sure was that he had never felt this small beneath anyone's gaze before, especially not with the way that Even looked at him, gaze heavy and loaded with a million unsaid things.

"I know you were kidding about what you said earlier, but I could get you off," Even paused, fingers trailing up Isak's leg so they were resting on his upper thigh instead. "If you wanted."

Isak gulped, his pulse rate kicking up and his mouth suddenly going very dry. Simply knowing that Even could feel the tension between them too was enough for Isak to want everything that the older boy had to offer. But the edges of his vision were still a little bit blurry from the weed, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that sort of thing yet.

"Are you going to kick me out if I say no?" The words came out far more fragile than Isak had intended, but he honestly didn't think that he would be able to handle it if Even  _did_  want him to leave.

Even immediately retracted his hand from where it was resting on Isak's leg, his smile turning into something a lot kinder. "Hey, I may be a bit of an asshole but I wouldn't do something like that to you," With that, he was leaning forward to press a soft kiss against the younger's forehead, a gesture that was almost too soft for everything else that had happened between them. "I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to make you come, though."

Isak let out a high noise that he had never really made before, something close to a whimper, and he took his lower lip in between his teeth, hoping his cheeks weren’t flared too red. "God, you can't just say things like that, Even."

A soft laugh escaped Even's lips at that, and he pressed a chaste kiss to Isak's cheek, before he was getting off of the bed. "Wait here? I need to start kicking everyone out." And with that, the other boy opened up his bedroom door and was off, leaving Isak with a lightness in his chest that he hadn't felt for quite a long time.

He had almost forgotten that the party was being thrown at Even's house, taking note of the low bass of the music downstairs reverberating in his chest. This night was turning out to be so much more than he had imagined, and Isak knew, objectively, that he shouldn't get his hopes up, because Even was still  _russ_  and Isak was probably just another one of his many meaningless hook-ups — well, without any real hooking up. The thought was a little bit of a downer, because no matter how much of an asshole Even seemed like he was, the attraction between the two was almost palpable and Isak would be lying if he said that he wasn't interested in pursuing something more.

The noise of the party had reduced significantly, from what Isak could hear through Even's open bedroom door, and he absently wrapped an arm around himself at the sudden feeling of coldness that hit him — whether it was just the temperature of the room or whether it was the older boy's absence was debatable.

Even returned after a few more minutes, closing the door behind him before settling back down on the bed. "It's really fucking cold. Can you turn up the heat or something?" Isak whined as soon as the older boy was settled, rubbing his own arm with his hand in some attempt to warm himself up.

"It's not cold?" Even replied with a hint of confusion, eyebrows furrowing down into a slight frown. There was suddenly a smirk gracing his lips instead, and he got up off the bed once again. "One sec," He took two long strides across the room, opening up the closet doors and rummaging through his clothes.

Isak only saw a flash of black before Even was back on the bed, pushing the thick sweater into Isak's hands with a murmured  _here_.

Isak unraveled the bunched-up sweater and rolled his eyes the moment that he realized what was on the hoodie, recognizing  _The Penetrators_  logo immediately. "Really? Was this all that you could find?" Isak asked, turning the hoodie around and making a face at the list of names, with Even bolded out in red.

"You said you were cold, just put it on," Even replied, looking so amused that Isak almost wished he had some semblance of control over the situation. Isak debated protesting more, but he was far too lazy (and cold) to argue further, and shrugged the sweater over his head. "How many of these have you given out by now?" Isak questioned, after pulling the sweater on and being immediately engulfed by it's warmth.

"I only have one, and you're wearing it. That's my own," Even murmured, eyes flickering down Isak's body in a way that made him want to blush even though he was completely covered up. He wasn't expecting that reply from Even, so just to test it out, he ducked a little so that his nose nuzzled against the fabric on his chest, and it was clear that he wasn't lying. The sweater smelled a lot like the older boy, the familiar scent of cinnamon putting him at ease.

"God, you're too fucking cute. You're only wearing my clothes from now on." Isak chuckled softly, looking down at himself. The sweater was too big for him because what Even lacked in breadth, he made up for with height. The sleeves were far too long on him, covering up his palms and only barely exposing the tips of his fingers.

"I've never felt more like a first year girl than I do right now," Isak said with a soft huff, also feeling as if he was in a cheesy romantic comedy of some sort. Never did he think that he would be in a position like this, wearing the stupid hoodie with one of the cockiest members sat opposite him.

"You know," Even started suddenly, voice making Isak's eyes flicker back up so that their gazes were meeting. "I had never asked you to come up just so I could have sex with you. I mean, the possibility would have been nice, but I just wanted you to loosen up and I thought that we could maybe watch a film or something? I'm pretty big on cuddling."

Isak bit down on his lower lip, a little surprised at the softness in the older boy's voice. He wasn't sure whether it was all an act but either way, Isak found warmth blooming deep in his chest.

"We can totally cuddle. We can watch a movie too, if that's what you wanted?" The smile that he got in response to the question made Isak's heart jump, watching as the older boy leant over to get his laptop from where it was resting on his bedside table. Isak got up so that he could turn off the lights, making his way back to Even and lifting up the carefully folded blanket on the bed so that he could get underneath it. Even lifted his legs off of the bed so that he could do the same, and the two were now underneath the covers together.

Even clicked on his downloads folder and was opening up a movie before Isak could see the title, shifting a little so that his laptop was on top of his lap and more visible for both of them. "Have you seen Romeo + Juliet before? It's a classic,"

Isak shook his head no as he moved closer to Even, about to rest his head on top of the older boy's shoulder. Even let out a teasing noise of offense, pulling away from Isak with a loud  _what_? "As an aspiring film student, I'm extremely offended." The older boy said jokingly, causing Isak's eyebrows to rise with slight surprise. He wasn't sure why, but he found it surprising that Even was interested in studying film. Isak couldn't help but note that the older boy was basically a walking contradiction; especially with his cocky attitude but soft smile and kind eyes.

Isak huffed, and then moved closer again so that he could properly rest his head on Even's shoulder, a smile curving his lips as Even's hand found his underneath the covers, and then intertwined their fingers together.

The two watched the movie like that, getting progressively closer as the movie continued, with Isak's head basically resting on Even's chest by the end of it. As the movie ended, the older's fingers absently combed through Isak's hair, while Isak wiped the tears away from his eyes with the oversized sweater sleeve, sniffling as the laptop screen turned black.

"I didn’t mean for the movie to make you cry," Even said softly, fingers stilling in Isak's hair as the younger boy lifted his head off of Even's chest so that their gazes were meeting. "It's okay. The ending was just a lot sadder than I was expecting,"

"I know. It made me bawl the first time that I watched it too," The image of a younger Even crying at the movie was a welcome image in his mind, making Isak wonder what the other boy was like when he was younger. "Move up for a second?" Even requested after a brief moment of silence. Isak complied, lifting himself fully off of Even's chest, and watching as the older boy put his laptop away, moving down so that he was lying on the pillow and gesturing for Isak to do the same.

Isak lay down beside Even, a mere few inches separating their faces. Isak took a deep breath, feeling his heart rate quicken because of how close they were. Even was far more beautiful up close, and Isak was struck with the weight of his beauty for probably the tenth time that night.

"Come here," Even murmured, and Isak was leaning forward so that their lips were meeting again. It felt like an eternity had passed since the last time that he had the older's lips on his and he melted into the kiss easily, letting Even take control as he shifted closer to him underneath the covers.

Even licked into his mouth, and rested hishand atop Isak's cheek, before he was kissing him more deeply, while tangling their legs together underneath the covers. The younger boy let out a soft sound as Even pressed their bodies against each other more thoroughly, his own fingers running through the older boy's soft hair.

Isak pulled away after a moment so that their foreheads were resting against each other, breathing a bit harder than usual. "You're really good at that," He murmured, shifting away so that he could properly catch his breath.

"What, kissing?" Even questioned, amusement coloring his words. Isak huffed softly, but nodded despite himself, causing the older boy's smile to widen. Isak wasn't sure whether he was even allowed to blame the weed for the way that his head was swimming at this point, feeling high off of the other's smile alone.

"Have you ever kissed a boy before?" Even asked, immediately causing an image of a younger Jonas and him to pop up in his mind. "Technically, yes? I don't know if it really counts, though."

"Oh no, does that mean that I have some competition?" Even questioned teasingly, reaching underneath the covers so that he could splay his hand around the younger's covered waist. A laugh escaped Isak's lips at that, before he was shaking his head.

"You don't, but it seems like I certainly do," Isak replied, trying to make the words sound light but already knowing that he had fallen short as soon as they left his lips. "I don't think anyone could compare to you, Isak," Replied Even softly, absently fiddling with the younger boy's hair.

Isak smiled, feeling a sudden rush of tiredness overcome him. It had to be around 1 or 2 at this point, considering the fact that they had watched the whole movie through. "I'm sleepy," He said with a yawn, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment before he was opening them again to find Even watching him, a smile playing on the older boy's lips.  

"Go to sleep. I'll be here in the morning," Even murmured, which was enough for Isak to turn around so that the other boy could properly wrap an arm around him and pull him closer.

When Isak got up in the morning, thumbed at the fabric of Even's sweater and looked at him with an unspoken question in his eyes, the older boy simply smiled. "Keep it. It looks much better on you, anyways." 


End file.
